A New Do and Nursing Pictures

This weekend is a family wedding. It also happens to coincide with hair cut time. Both boys were getting shaggy so we headed off to the barber shop. Being that it's summer, and it's just hair, we decided to give Evan his first buzz. :) My baby went into the barber shop a little boy and came out a little man. He looks so different. It's going to take some time to get used to, as well as a hat (fat chance) and some sunblock to keep his blond head from getting burned. Isn't he just a doll?

{Before you click read more, I want to warn you that you will see pictures of Evan nursing. There's no cleavage showing, but I still wanted to let you know what you would see.}

Potty Training Update & More

Someone doesn't see Mama with a camera.

We started another round of potty training two days ago. It is going phenomenal! We purchased a "ladder" for the potty and when it arrived we let Arabella open. She thought it was the coolest gift, next to her guitar, and immediately wanted to put it on the potty.

I assembled it, put it on the toilet, she stripped and did her business. It was awesome. After that we put her in her cloth underwear and she had two accidents, just pee thankfully. It was actually pretty funny as I had brought a pair of pull-ups to the bathroom and she 100% refused to wear them. She wanted her underwear instead.

Day one was pretty good, two pee accidents, no poop in either the toilet or her underwear, and she got five new stickers on her potty chart. This morning I had asked Adam to put her in either a pull-up or her underwear. Obviously she chose underwear again. She had an accident and Daddy put her in a diaper. His reason was, "she's going to be going to bed."

I explained to him that we are no longer using diapers for her. She will wear a pull-up for nap time and her overnights for bed time. And, well she didn't pee in the diaper so we saved it and switched her back to a pull-up for nap time. Just before nap time I asked her if she needed to potty (and this is her normal poop time), she said "yup."  We went to the potty and what do you know? She pooped IN THE TOILET. I was so happy for her that she got to stay up and eat a popsicle.

After nap time we had two more "accidents" of pee in her pull-ups. But hey, for only being her second day of true potty training, I'll take it. She is enjoying the process and so am I.

We've taken a relaxed, don't get mad at accidents approach and it really seems to be working. We just encourage her and ask her often if she needs to go. The funniest part of all is that no one can be in there with her. We hand her a book, and she asks us to close the door. Obviously I'm not going to leave her unattended so I crack the door so I can see her but she can't see me. Then I wait for the tinkle noise and "I did it!" (Thanks Grandmama for the potty book.)

We wipe, she flushes the potty and then wash our hands. After that she gets a sticker for her potty chart and sometimes I'll reward her with candy. I just hope we progress and don't regress. Time will tell.

Busted, Mommy!

"I did it!"



Big Girl Panties Rock!



In other Arabella news we have a fabulous nursing story. Evan is still nursing, Arabella sees it, imitates us, and so on. Yesterday she hopped up in my lap while I was on the couch and laid in the cradle position. She kept saying "Fee-do" "Fee-do" "Fee-do." I had NO idea what she was saying.

I stopped her after the millionth time and said I didn't understand. She paused, said "Fee-do" and then started to pull my shirt up. Once I realized she was saying "Feed You" I stopped her.

Now, am I embarrassed, heck no. It's awesome that my daughter is going to grow up and feel that breastfeeding is normal and nothing to hide. What I don't get is, was she merely imitating what is normal for me & Evan or was she truly trying to nurse? Is it normal for a child who hasn't nursed since 8 months old to revert and want to try again? Or was she "playing" like she wanted to nurse?

Either way I think its awesome that she understands. I just wish she could tell me if that's what she wanted or if she just wanted to "play."

**And if you're wondering about the dress code...Daddy had just washed her winter hat so we could put it away and she snagged it out of the dryer while he was emptying it. She just had to wear it, in the middle of April.**

Breastfeeding...still

So, Evan is a year old now. And for, oh I don't know how long, some of the grandparents have given us the age old "Well as soon as you wean him let us know so we can keep him overnight for you." Well, I hate to disappoint you family members out there, and please take no offense, but it isn't going to be happening any time soon.

Arabella and I made it to nearly 8 months, but that was cut short due to the impending birth of Evan. With Evan we struggled out of the gate and we kept re-evaluating and things worked themselves out, with the help of speech therapy, and my ultimate goal was one year. Well, the goal was reached yesterday. We have been nursing for a full 365 days. I AM SO FREAKING PROUD OF US. Never in my dreams did I truly think I'd be able to breastfeed for that long, let alone EXCLUSIVELY, due to my reduction. But we did it. We set a goal and we reached it.

So, now what? Where do we go from here? Well, I'll be honest; I'm not ready to give up breastfeeding. Evan isn't showing signs of giving up either. We still nurse at least once a night and usually 5 or 6 times during the day, this is with solids and table foods. I will also mention that the AAP recommends breastfeeding be extended for at least the first year of life and beyond as long as it is mutual. So are we quitting any time soon? No. Until he decides he's done, we'll keep on trucking.

I'm proud to say that we are extended breastfeeders, and ever so happy that I can give my child such an amazing gift.

A Step In The Right Direction

It's difficult to stay focused when you know something is wrong. You know there's a problem and everyone has told you that "every thing looks good" but you still can't get the answers you require. You've given them your medical history and all of the nagging problems with breastfeeding. They "take a look" and "evaluate" your situation and suggest things that really don't apply to you or that you've already tried. Basically they leave you needing a resolution but unable to provide one.

This is exactly how my second go round at breastfeeding has been for the past seven weeks. Yes, seven weeks I have suffered through insurmountable pain from incorrect nursing. I know how to get my child to latch properly. I was successful at nursing Arabella for well over seven months before my second pregnancy killed my supply. So why on Earth are we having so many issues? I've been to several of the support group meetings at the local hospital where I gave birth. I've had two different LC's watch Evan nurse and see that he's positioned and latched properly. They've even gone so far as to tell me there's nothing wrong and no reason for him to be beating up my nipples the way he has. When I un-latch him they can clearly see the ridges and abrasions...it is so obvious something isn't right. They checked his sucking ability...sure he can suck fine, but until today I didn't have an answer for the problem. They've suggested pumping after EVERY nursing session....EVERY ONE???? Hello, I have a fifteen-month-old running around, getting into trouble like kids do while trying to nurse a one-month-old. If he's not eating or complaining, she is. I don't have time to nurse him and pump and take care of my other child. I AM ALONE during the day. They've suggested the typical positioning, ie. the football hold, the cradle hold; people I've done it all. I always left feeling so frustrated. Here's my poor little boy who isn't gaining weight the way he should be, I know I have milk, albeit a tremendously low supply to begin with because of my reduction. And no one who is supposed to be certified to help me, has any solutions for me. I am at the end of my rope and about ready to hang myself with it. Throw in the towel if you will, but even suffering in pain I'm refusing to give up. I know we can make this work, I just have to find the answer.

After several long, long emails across facebook with my friend Tiffany, who by the way is an amazing person and Mompraneuer (Baby So Smart), I decided I really and truly needed her help. Her answers even through email were more than I had received through face to face contacts with LC's. She asked me questions they never did regarding his personality and appearances to his actions before and during nursing. After our last email conversation and a very horrible night last night, I knew we had to see her today. We had to have an answer, and I believe that's just what she provided.

Last night was terrible as have been most nights. But recently things have started escalating at night to the point that I say things to my child that I don't mean and in a very hurtful tone. I'm not a mean person by nature, so this is in no way how I would want my children to know me as. After literally screaming till I was horse, and crying in pain while he attempted to nurse, Adam took him from me. He took him and did the inevitable and gave him a bottle. As he was doing so, I just laid there, sobbing into my pillow, wondering how we had come to this. Arabella was a breeze when it came to nursing. I know what I'm doing, so how can things be going so horribly wrong? Adam calmly looked at me and said, you're done. If you cannot get some help from Tiffany tomorrow, then we are going to begin bottle feeding. And I lost it, I mean I kept thinking, this can't be how it ends. More than likely Evan will be our last child and I cannot let myself fail at something I know I can do. He then said "I don't want Evan to hate you because you are yelling at him. He doesn't need to be hurt physically or mentally." And that was that. He finished feeding him, burped him and put him back to bed. Evan slept for about five hours before wanting to be nursed again. The five hours of sleep did me some good and in my sleepy stupor we were able to nurse with minimal pain in bed while we both passed back out. But before I fell to sleep I knew that I had to see Tiffany today.

The first thing I did was hop on Facebook and messaged Tiffany for her availability. The next thing I know we are on our way to her home. Of course the minute we walked through the door Evan decided it was time to eat. I got all set up and let him get started. Tiffany said he looks like he does have a good latch and he's "chewing" not sucking, even better. So what the heck is going on? We discussed quite a bit as Evan nursed and eventually he finished. I sat him up, tried to burp him and that's when she saw it. He's a little slack jawed and he keeps his tongue to the roof of his mouth. He also tends to do this while I'm trying to latch him which ticks him off because I won't let him latch if his tongue isn't down. She noticed that his tongue is wide and flat and when raised to the roof of his mouth it makes an upside down U. Why did no one else notice this? The pediatrician nor the LC's? These people are supposed to be trained to detect this stuff? I told her that they had all stuck their fingers in his mouth and said his sucking was fine. She assured me that sure they would, if you stick your finger in your mouth what do you instinctually do? You curl your tongue around it. Here's the problem...my breast/nipple is NOT a finger. It isn't firm, it gives as it should and Evan does not have the ability to curl his tongue around something that gives. So, yes he is latched well, but internally you cannot see what he's doing to me. He's raising a flat tongue to my nipple and pressing it to the roof of his mouth. This is causing the ridges and abrasions and pain and Mommy insanity.

So what do we do next? We're going to find a speech therapist that can help us with exercises to teach Evan how to curl his tongue properly. And in doing so, the best case scenario, we get a great nurser out of him. Less than thirty minutes with Tiffany and we're on our way to a solution and putting all the pain behind us. How could "medical professionals" not know to look at this? I'm baffled and pretty upset at the whole situation. I am forever grateful to Tiffany for taking time out of her day to help us, and for her knowledge of what should be happening and isn't with our nursing sessions. In the mean time I will have to begin supplementing at every feeding during the day to try and get his weight up to where it should be and keep him satiated. And per her suggestion (unlike the LC's) we are nursing every hour and he has unlimited access to his food. Wearing him in his sling is also helping us out a great deal, and he really enjoys being close to me. There are so many things we discussed today I just can't think of them all right now. All I know is that I think we'll be okay. We just need to get the help from the speech therapist, get Evan "trained" and I think we'll be back to having an amazingly healthy baby.

Thank you Tiffany for the wonderful service you've provided to me and my family. I have tears of joy and relief knowing I've found a "saviour" in you for my breastfeeding problem. Good luck on your IBCLC exam, and I know you'll do amazing on the test. You've already proven your knowledge to me and I would be happy to refer any one of my friends to you!